The vacation files part 1

August 31, 2004 · Posted in Blog · 1 Comment 

I will be gentle on this one. I kept a running diary while I was on vacation. Over the next few days I will share some of this and some photos that I took. For those who read it, thanks. For those who don’t, don’t worry I wouldn’t either! :wink:

Day 1:
I would love to say that day 1 of my vacation was spent just the way I imagined it but that would be lying. I got off work at 5am and spent the better part of the next 2 hours getting ready to go. After a couple of false starts, first cd player second jumper cables, we were on the road by 7:30am. Surprisingly we didn’t get too lost. Only one wrong turn that was easily fixed when we stopped and asked directions. Did I mention that [Becky] drove? Otherwise we would have been hopelessly lost, you know how we men are about asking directions.
I was basically clueless about where we were going to be. I mean I knew we were going to be in a cabin but I had no idea that it would be right on the river with an unobstructed view in each direction, I was thrilled. There were a couple of things I didn’t like, I mentioned in my 100 things that I am afraid of spiders. Well cabins on rivers with trees all around them seem to be breeding grounds for the little buggers. Then there is the fact that it was the muggiest day of the summer so far and no air conditioning, just lots of windows.

Thats it for day 1. Hopefully I will post some photos later today. If not then I will get them tomorrow for sure!

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I’m baaaack

August 30, 2004 · Posted in Blog · 1 Comment 

Well my vacation is over and I have to go to work tonight. I really don’t want to go but hey gotta pay for all the fun I had. I will be posting about my vacation including some photo’s when I have a little more time to go through the pictures.

By the way I have some invites for gmail, if anyone wants one just respond here and let me know!

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It is official

August 26, 2004 · Posted in Blog · 1 Comment 

:mrgreen::mrgreen::mrgreen:I AM ON VACATION:mrgreen::mrgreen::mrgreen:

See you all next week!

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Blogging the disease, the (should have been) prelude

August 25, 2004 · Posted in Blogging the disease · 1 Comment 

For those who might be wondering the motivation behind blogging this, it isn’t to try and get pity. Pity won’t help and quite honestly I don’t want it. What I am doing is half therapy and half hoping I might be helpful to someone. Maybe someone who feels these same feelings will come across this and realize they are not alone or the only one who feels this way.
If that person is you sek help, if not from a psychiatrist at least from your family doctor. There are many great medications out there that can help you. Sometimes it can be a long road to find that right medicine but don’t give up or get discouraged. Remember me, if I can survive it anyone can!

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Blogging the disease part 1

August 25, 2004 · Posted in Blogging the disease · 2 Comments 

How can you be surrounded by people who say they love you and that you love yet feel so utterly alone? It is hard to describe the feelings that you feel yet therapists always say they understand. I think if they actually knew they wouldn’t be therapists they would be hospitalized.
At one time the internet was theraputic now it is just another thing I have lost interest in. My photography suffers because of this too. I either don’t want to shoot or I do a half assed job of what I do shoot. Sometimes writing it out helps but more often than not it doesn’t help at all.
They told me to keep a journal but I hate writing that much and I could blow through a notebook in a week, that gets expensive. I actually went to the effort of writing this in my little notebook before posting it so I could see if it would be worth my time and effort to post.
My hand cramped several times just getting this far, yet another reason I don’t like putting pen to paper.
Two nights now I have fallen asleep when I should have been cooking supper. Now others are suffering because of me. That just makes the guilt feelings all the worse. I know it has to be wearing on [Becky]’s nerves although she hasn’t said anything yet.
It’s times like this, when i am in that downward spiral, that everything gets even more tedious. The out of control feeling just gets worse and worse until it comes to a head and I eitehr end up in the hospital or crying uncontrollably for no reason at the drop of a hat. I know the quality of my work has slipped and it is only a matter of time before they say something. What do I say to them though? They don’t care if I have a problem and am suffering, all they care about is the bottom line, their profits.
The wirst feeling in this is when you get lost in the room your in. What I mean by that is you can be sitting in a room and suddenly don’t know where you are. My eyes will dart from side to side while I try and place myself and make sense of the jumble of thoughts in my head.
I didn’t eat today except for breakfast. I didn’t eat at lunch and after [Becky] left with Anna to go excercise I went to bed. Barby, [Becky]’s oldest, came home shortly after I went upstairs. She started cooking something for herself to eat and when I smelled it my stomach just rolled. From that I knew that I am indeed having an episode, now what?

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