Hey look

February 28, 2007 · Posted in Blog · 1 Comment 

The photoblog was updated!

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Gadzooks

February 27, 2007 · Posted in Blog · 3 Comments 

It’s a good thing I had my breakdown the other day. I just don’t have time for it today. Why oh why must it be a constant go go go? I’m lazy darnit and I would really appreciate a chance to prove that. The people at work won’t let me, thats for darn sure.

Alright, got to go, have a great day!

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There is not enough Xanax in the world.

February 26, 2007 · Posted in Blogging the disease · 2 Comments 

I am all worked up about going back to work tonight. I need to do something besides popping pills to get myself slowed down. The last thing I need is to have another breakdown there.

Right now my head is throbbing and my hands are shaking, which is making it darn hard to type. Lots of correcting going on here. I can feel that weird skin crawling sensation. I really hate that part as it makes me very uncomfortable.

I could have stayed in bed right up till time to go to work but I don’t think my dogs would appreciate that at all. You know for as big as Basset Hounds are, they sure have small bladders!

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I am aware

February 24, 2007 · Posted in Blog · 3 Comments 

I am aware that the blog looks a bit funky in I.E. It seems to be something in the way internet explorer deals with the CSS. I am working on the problem and will hopefully have it fixed soon.

If it bugs you too much then go get firefox in the meantime

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Don’t ask, don’t tell

February 22, 2007 · Posted in Blogging the disease · 6 Comments 

I have been battling my depression lately and truth be told, it is winning. It really doesn’t help that I have contacted two different doctors and neither of them have called me back. That is really helpful to someone in my mental state.

It’s getting harder and harder to get out of bed and don’t get me started on work. It has been hectic there lately and since I am not dealing well with stress it is only a matter of time before something snaps. Hopefully when that happens it won’t be something that causes me to lose my job.

I have to force myself to eat at the moment. I just have no interest in food or eating. I remember what happened the last time I got this way. The only problem is that when it gets worse I won’t even be willing to force myself to eat. Although I have also been known to start binge eating when it gets worse. That is the worst part about my depression, I never know what is going to happen next because it seems different each time.

Back to the doctor thing. This is really bothering me and is making it hard for me to cope. Because I can’t even get these doctors to call me back I have basically given up. I don’t think I will be trying to call any other doctors because that whole rejection thing is biting me hard.

Sorry for yet another change to the look of the blog. I am going minimalistic for now. It loads faster, but only when the host isn’t crapping out on me. I need another soda to drink and there aren’t any in the house. I don’t really feel like going out right at the moment as it is too darn early.

I can’t imagine the toll this is taking on my girls either. Because of everything that is going on with me mentally my ability to take anything is pretty much nill. So the girls really don’t have to do much to send me into a screaming rage. I know it scares the crap out of them, it scares me too. I have never hurt anyone in one of my rages but like I said I never know because it is different every time.

I am going to go back to bed now and hopefully wake up in a better state of mind. I doubt it, but I can hope can’t I?

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