It’s getting harder and harder to get out of bed and don’t get me started on work. It has been hectic there lately and since I am not dealing well with stress it is only a matter of time before something snaps. Hopefully when that happens it won’t be something that causes me to lose my job.

I have to force myself to eat at the moment. I just have no interest in food or eating. I remember what happened the last time I got this way. The only problem is that when it gets worse I won’t even be willing to force myself to eat. Although I have also been known to start binge eating when it gets worse. That is the worst part about my depression, I never know what is going to happen next because it seems different each time.

Back to the doctor thing. This is really bothering me and is making it hard for me to cope. Because I can’t even get these doctors to call me back I have basically given up. I don’t think I will be trying to call any other doctors because that whole rejection thing is biting me hard.

Sorry for yet another change to the look of the blog. I am going minimalistic for now. It loads faster, but only when the host isn’t crapping out on me. I need another soda to drink and there aren’t any in the house. I don’t really feel like going out right at the moment as it is too darn early.

I can’t imagine the toll this is taking on my girls either. Because of everything that is going on with me mentally my ability to take anything is pretty much nill. So the girls really don’t have to do much to send me into a screaming rage. I know it scares the crap out of them, it scares me too. I have never hurt anyone in one of my rages but like I said I never know because it is different every time.

I am going to go back to bed now and hopefully wake up in a better state of mind. I doubt it, but I can hope can’t I?